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Mother and daughter journey through Alzheimer’s disease
The day a daughter gets married can be a historic moment in a mother-daughter relationship. However, for Sharon Craver, her wedding day quickly turned into a different type of memory when her mother Zena suffered a heart attack in the church, followed by a stroke a few days later. From that point on, Zena began experiencing symptoms of memory loss. Three years after her heart attack, and after other symptoms had aggravated, Zena was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease.
Zena’s fourth child and only daughter, Sharon had previously lived with her parents in Oshawa, Ontario, until she married and moved to Vancouver. For the next seven years mother and daughter would battle through the journey of Alzheimer’s disease. Although keeping in touch with her parents across the country was difficult, she was often able to visit her mom, and talk to her on the phone. When communication between the two became difficult, her father acted as the messenger between mother and daughter.
Sharon says that the hardest part of the journey is when your family member no longer recognizes who you are. During Zena’s last visit to Vancouver, Sharon had given birth to her first child. Though Sharon and her mother had dreamed of the day they would share this motherly bond, the Alzheimer’s disease had progressed to a point that she was very unaware and removed from the situation.
But Sharon asserts that throughout those years her mother and she still maintained the same close relationship they had shared all their lives. “Even when she wasn’t sure who I was, she always responded to my hugs and attention. She would hold my hand, smile and she loved to sing. She knew she was loved and she gave love in return. She was still my mother.”
Knowing that the progression of Alzheimer’s disease is frustrating for both the person who has the disease and for their caregivers, she notes that patience and love are critical in coping with the journey. She remarks, “Remembering that the person that’s there, your mother, your father, whoever it is, is still your mother and father. The parent-child relationship is almost reversed and the relationship changes, but there is still a connection that you both benefit from.”
Sharon is optimistic that the future will see many advances in Alzheimer’s research, “Looking back from 1986 to today, just think of what the next 20 years will bring!” In the meantime, Sharon feels it is important to guarantee that people living with Alzheimer’s disease and their caregivers have the support to maintain a good quality of life. She says the Alzheimer Society plays an important role not only in spurring research, but in providing help to those who need it. With the help of donors, the Society is able to provide the understanding that people living with Alzheimer’s disease can still have a good life and be functional, contributing members of society.
Sharon and Zena’s story is a symbol that even when faced with hardships, companionship, love, and support are key to the well-being of individuals and families of those living with Alzheimer’s disease.
